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i three fourteen

by xaq mandy gllnd

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released March 14, 2016

everything played by xaq
everything fucked w by garty

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Track Name: i am dumb
i can't think of what to say. i can't make my words fit between my soda & my cigarette & my mouth full of spit---i've got a lot of things to do before i get back to you. i've got a lot of things to write down; i'm so forgetful, i'm so dumb. i am young & i'm stupid & i'm dumb.
Track Name: i tried my best
face down: man, i wish could say that "i'm over waking up on my floor at six am in a pool of sweat again." did i ever tell you about the time i thought i almost died on my front porch with kyle last july? honestly, it scares me honestly. at least my friends have fun! we tried our best last summer. we tried our best to change the year with all our facebook posts & beer, like, "you & me, well we could be anybody we want to be."
Track Name: i am a therapist
i was scared---not sad---like three julys ago when my best friend died. we hadn't spoke for months & i'm kinda pissed at that, or maybe i just wish i would have tried.

i was scared---not sad---early last summer when i thought i had lost all my friends. it's hard to make some new friends when you break all yr old friends. maybe that's just how it happens.

i'm so scared that i killed chris or turned my friends into drug addicts. i'm so scared i've made it worse, or just a disappointment.

i was scared---not sad---just three nights ago when i learned that my uncle bob died. we hadn't spoke for years but we used to be to so close until i let that thing die.

kay says i should decompress, but she's not my therapist. i know i should decompress, but i am not a therapist.
Track Name: i live in hell (dear landlord)
originally written & performed by dear landlord.
Track Name: i think that i'm not happy now
moved on//moved out. moved into yr parents' house. i think that i'm not happy now. sexless//loveless. going through the motions. i think that i'm not happy now. i can't find my appetite (i'm back down to 155 lbs.). i guess this is what adult life is like. i lost my keys & i can't drive. i don't think that i want to. you think that i ought to do something more productive with my time.

god knows that i'm not happy now,